Every relationship hits rough patches. Disagreements, misunderstandings, and periods of disconnection are normal parts of sharing a life with another person. But sometimes those rough patches become entrenched patterns. Communication breaks down. Resentment builds. You find yourselves having the same argument over and over, or worse, you stop talking altogether.
If this sounds familiar, you may have wondered whether couples therapy could help. Maybe you have dismissed the idea, thinking therapy is only for relationships on the brink of divorce. Or maybe you are curious but unsure what actually happens in a couples therapy session.
This guide explains how couples therapy works, what you can expect from the process, and how to know if it is the right step for your relationship.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy, also called marriage counseling or relationship therapy, is a form of psychotherapy designed to help romantic partners improve their relationship. A trained therapist works with both partners together to identify patterns of conflict, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional connection.
Unlike individual therapy, where the focus is on one person’s inner world, couples therapy treats the relationship itself as the client. The therapist is not there to take sides or determine who is “right.” Instead, they help both partners understand how they contribute to the dynamic, and how they can work together to create change.
Couples therapy can be helpful whether you are dating, engaged, married, or in a long-term partnership. It is effective for couples of all genders and orientations. And contrary to popular belief, you do not need to be in crisis to benefit. Many couples seek therapy proactively, to strengthen an already good relationship or navigate a specific life transition.
What Happens in Couples Therapy Sessions?
While every therapist has their own style, most couples therapy follows a general structure:
The Initial Assessment
The first one to three sessions are typically devoted to assessment. The therapist will meet with you together and may also meet with each partner individually. They will ask about your relationship history, current concerns, what you have tried so far, and what you hope to achieve. This phase helps the therapist understand your unique dynamic and develop a treatment plan.
Ongoing Sessions
After the assessment, you will begin regular sessions, typically weekly or biweekly. Sessions are usually 50 to 90 minutes long, longer than individual therapy sessions to allow time for both partners to speak and for the therapist to facilitate dialogue.
In a typical session, you might:
- Discuss a recent conflict or issue that arose during the week
- Practice new communication skills with the therapist’s guidance
- Explore underlying emotions, needs, or fears that drive conflict
- Examine patterns from your family of origin that affect your current relationship
- Work on specific goals like rebuilding trust, improving intimacy, or co-parenting more effectively
The therapist acts as a neutral facilitator, helping you hear each other, slowing down reactive patterns, and offering new perspectives and skills.
Between Sessions
Couples therapy is not limited to what happens in the room. Most therapists will give you exercises or assignments to practice between sessions. These might include structured conversations, date nights, journaling exercises, or specific communication techniques to try when conflict arises.
Common Approaches Used in Couples Therapy
Several evidence-based approaches have been developed specifically for couples work:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one of the most researched and effective approaches. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT focuses on attachment and emotional bonding. It helps couples identify negative interaction cycles, access underlying emotions, and create new patterns of secure connection.
The Gottman Method is based on decades of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It focuses on building friendship, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. The Gottmans identified specific behaviors that predict relationship success or failure, and their method targets these directly.
Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy applies CBT principles to relationships. It focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to conflict.
Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples understand how childhood experiences shape partner selection and conflict patterns. It uses structured dialogues to improve communication and empathy.
At Lisa Ligammari Counseling Services & Associates, our couples therapists draw on multiple approaches, tailoring treatment to your specific needs and goals.
Signs You Might Benefit from Couples Therapy
How do you know if couples therapy is right for you? Consider reaching out if:
- You keep having the same arguments without resolution
- Communication has broken down or become hostile
- You feel more like roommates than romantic partners
- Trust has been damaged by infidelity, dishonesty, or betrayal
- You are considering separation or divorce but are not sure
- A major life change is straining the relationship (new baby, job loss, illness, retirement)
- Intimacy, whether emotional or physical, has significantly declined
- One or both partners are dealing with individual issues (depression, anxiety, addiction) that affect the relationship
- You want to strengthen your relationship before problems escalate
- You are engaged and want to build a strong foundation before marriage
The earlier you seek help, the easier it is to change entrenched patterns. Do not wait until you are in crisis. Many couples wish they had started sooner.
What Couples Therapy Cannot Do
Couples therapy is powerful, but it is not magic. There are some things it cannot do:
- It cannot force a partner to change if they are not willing to engage in the process
- It cannot save a relationship if one or both partners have already decided to leave
- It cannot undo the past, though it can help you process it and move forward
- It cannot work if there is active, ongoing abuse (individual safety must be addressed first)
Couples therapy requires both partners to be willing to participate, be honest, and do the work. If only one partner is committed, individual therapy may be a better starting point.
How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?
The duration of couples therapy varies widely depending on the issues being addressed and the couple’s goals. Some couples see significant improvement in 8 to 12 sessions. Others with more complex or longstanding issues may benefit from 6 months to a year of regular sessions. Some couples return periodically for “tune-ups” as new challenges arise.
During your initial assessment, your therapist can give you a better sense of what to expect based on your specific situation.
How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy
Couples who see the best results tend to:
- Attend sessions consistently and prioritize the work
- Complete between-session exercises and homework
- Be honest, even when it is uncomfortable
- Take responsibility for their own contributions to the dynamic
- Stay curious and open rather than defensive
- Practice new skills outside of sessions, especially during conflict
- Be patient: real change takes time
Frequently Asked Questions
Is couples therapy only for married couples? Not at all. Couples therapy is for any romantic partnership: dating, engaged, married, cohabiting, or long-term committed. The principles and techniques apply regardless of legal status.
What if my partner does not want to go to therapy? This is common. You might start by having an open conversation about your concerns and what you hope therapy could offer. Frame it as something you want to do together to improve the relationship, not as evidence that something is wrong with them. If they remain unwilling, you can still benefit from individual therapy to work on your own patterns and decide how to move forward.
Will the therapist take sides? A good couples therapist remains neutral and does not take sides. Their job is to understand both perspectives and help you find common ground. If you ever feel the therapist is biased, bring it up directly; it is important information for the therapeutic process.
Is what we say in couples therapy confidential? Yes, with some important nuances. What you share as a couple stays confidential. However, if the therapist meets with each partner individually, they may have a policy about what can be kept confidential from the other partner. This is typically discussed upfront. Most therapists encourage transparency within the couple.
How much does couples therapy cost? Costs vary depending on the therapist’s credentials, location, and session length. Many insurance plans cover couples therapy, though coverage varies. At Lisa Ligammari Counseling Services & Associates, we accept most major insurance plans and can help you understand your benefits.
Can couples therapy help after infidelity? Yes. Recovering from infidelity is one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. It is a long and difficult process, but many couples do rebuild trust and even emerge with a stronger relationship. A therapist experienced in affair recovery can guide you through the process.
Ready to strengthen your relationship?
Our couples therapists at Lisa Ligammari Counseling Services & Associates are trained in evidence-based approaches and are here to help. Contact us today to schedule a consultation, in person in Colts Neck or Manalapan, NJ, or via telehealth.